you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
