i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
