i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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