my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
