Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
