omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
