I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
