he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
