May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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