You work out of a Hotel?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
