You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
