I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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