All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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