My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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