The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
