I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
