matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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