i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
