no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
