dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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