What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
