Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
