Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
