Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
