Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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