Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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