why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
