Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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