I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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