just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
