I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
