OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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