omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
