I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
it was like eating out sand paper
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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