you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
do nipples grow back?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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