Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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