We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
