How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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