listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
