just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
