out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
