Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
