Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
