i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Did I show you my penis last night?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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