Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
