does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He is an equal opportunity slut.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
