it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
