just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
