Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
