Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
