get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
