I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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