I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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