She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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