My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
