Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
party gras won. party gras always wins.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
