You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
