Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
